Festival of Interfaith Unity 2010 Moderate by Dr.Namazikhah - Interfaith Marriage part1 to Part3

http://www.songaz.com/music-festival-of-interfaith-unity-2010-moderate-by-dr-namazikhah-interfaith-marriage-part1-1556276.html

The Empirical Facts of Interfaith Marriage, by N. Aini

(Source: http://islamlib.com/en/article/the-empirical-facts-of-interfaith-ma...) 

The crucial problems of interfaith marriage involve one’s private right to choose one’s spouse and the stigmas associated with interfaith marriage prohibition as well as bureaucratic resistance. Nuryamin Aini, an alumnus of Flinders University in Australia, shows that the consequences are that sometimes that couples of different religions often resort to manipulating the law (hilah)and become ambivalent and hypocritical in order to slip out of the trap of the marriage registration bureaucracy.

The crucial problems of interfaith marriage involve one’s private right to choose one’s spouse and the stigmas associated with interfaith marriage prohibition as well as bureaucratic resistance. Nuryamin Aini, an alumnus of Flinders University in Australia, shows that the consequences are that sometimes that couples of different religions often resort to manipulating the law (hilah)and become ambivalent and hypocritical in order to slip out of the trap of the marriage registration bureaucracy.

Here is an interview by Ulil Abshar-Abdalla conducted on Thursday, 19th June 2003 with Drs. Nuryamin Aini, MA who is a lecturer on sharia on the faculty of UIN Syarif Hidayatullah who is also a researcher at the Centre of Human Resource Development (PPSDM) UIN Jakarta.

ULIL ABSHAR-ABDALLA: Mr Nuryamin, You’ve written a thesis on the phenomena of interfaith marriage. What are the empirical facts of the matter?

NURYAMIN AINI: I have to say before that there’s a fundamental matter we should observe. Usually someone’s religiosity is the most difficult matter to be controlled formally. When we talk about something personal, and then religion tries to control that, there are always many people who want to seek a way out and look for a space to get away (hilah).

Therefore, I wanted to observe the phenomenon of interfaith marriage (IFM) more empirically. What kind of reality is experienced by people who go through IFM? In 1994 when I wrote a thesis on the subject for my MA degree at Flinders University, Australia, I tried to look at factors of IFM through using empirical data taken from the 1980 population census. I used data from the census since it provides a sound methodological basis for sampling.

Since the phenomena of IFM are increasing, eventually I updated those old data by inserting the census results from 1990 and 2000. I chose Jogjakarta (DIY) as my research target since DIY is a melting pot or a dissolving place for cultural identity. From those data I found a fluctuation. In 1980, 15 out of every 1000 cases of registered marriages involved interfaith unions. In 1990, it increased to 18 cases. The trend decreased to only 12 cases per 1000 in the year 2000. This decreasing trend is called a reversed U in statistical terminology. In 1980 it was low (15/1000), then it increased in 1990 (19/1000), and subsequently it decreased again in 2000 (12/1000).

Table I Number of IFM according to Religion, Year and Sex

Religion 1980 1990 2000 Male Female Male Female Male Female 1. Islam 0.7 0.6 0.9 0.9 0.5 0.6 2. Protestant 6.0 8.6 10.6 13.8 5.1 3.6 3. Catholic 13.3 15.4 11.4 8.7 6.9 13.0 4. Hindu 19.0* 9.6* 16.3 2.7 60.0 - 5. Buddhism - - 37.5 21.9 - - 6. Others - - 35.5 0 - - Sum 24677 24677 28668 28668 2673 2673

* For Census-80, Hindu, Buddha and etc accumulated for analysis. Source: Census 1980, 1990 and 2000

Is this trend connected to notions of Liberal Islam or Pluralism. The claim is often made that Liberal Islam has caused an increase in people’s interest in inter-faith marriage (IFM). The data show instead that this interest has not increased the enthusiasm for IFM. Though I initially conducted the research in DIY, later, I have observed the same phenomenon in Medan, Jakarta, Bali, Manado, and Pontianak. These observations make the claim for a statistically significant pattern more reliable.

The above table also indicates that it is men who tend to engage in interfaith marriage more commonly than women. The lowest number of IFM, according to the censuses of 1980, 1990 and 2000, was within the Muslim sector (under 1%). In addition, the greater the number of Muslim citizens, the greater the chance of single faith marriages. But in the case of minorities, the chances for single faith marriage automatically decreases. Hence the chances for interfaith marriages among minority groups is greater. Yet generally, the table also indicates the absence of a particular mode of IFM within the non Muslim communities.

ULIL: Having noticed that IFM is not connected to notions of pluralism, what are the type of motives that lie behind inter-faith marriages?

NURYAMIN: I only used secondary data in this research. I did not collect primary data. For example, I did not interview people about their motivations. Instead I simply collected and analysed the relevant statistics concerning the phenomenon.

ULIL: Does the problem of the bureaucracy result in the decrease in interfaith marriage?

NURYAMIN: In fact, the data I use indicates that the actual numbers of IFM are greater than those registered in the civil registration office. This means that IFM couples were having serious problems with the bureaucracy. Many people preferred to be hypocrites or to be ambivalent and commit hilah (law manipulation) in order to protect themselves from the bureaucracy. Many of them simply pretended to alter their beliefs in order to simplify the administrative details of their marriages. Bureaucracy resistance, at least I believe, instead of limiting the cohabitation of interfaith couples actually increases the incidence of hypocrisy.

ULIL: Is your discovery regarding interfaith marriage in Jogjakarta more common in educated circles?

NURYAMIN: I don’t think so. I think, IFM is not an index of social change. In DIY, IFM is not an exclusively urban phenomenon. In fact, IFM turns out to be a stronger tradition amongst the poorer rural people. For example, I discovered that many interfaith couples were illiterate and incapable of speaking Indonesian. Before 2000, 50% of inter-faith marriages were performed by rural people with a low level of education. Many had not graduated from elementary school and many of them had never even been to school. Generally, IFM in DIY is a reflection of Jogjakarta society’s heterogeneity. Thus even though there is a relation between the phenomena and urbanism, the case of IFM in DIY indicates that IFM is not limited by social categories.

ULIL: What are the religious tendencies among children of interfaith marriages?

NURYAMIN: The religious tendencies of IFM children is a very interesting subject. In Islam, it doesn’t matter if a Muslim marries a non Muslim woman. According to data I’ve got at 1980, 50% of children of Muslims who marry non Muslim woman were Muslims. But, where the mother is Muslim and father is non Muslim, the number is higher: up to 77% would be Muslim. That number increased in 1990 by up to 79%. Hence it could be said that Muslim woman’s capability to Islamize her children when she marries a non Muslim is higher than if it is the husband who is Muslim. The mother’s domination can’t be separated from her role as the primary nurturer of her children. For example, this can be seen in the following table:

Table II Religious Affiliation of Children of IFM couple according to religion, Year and Sex of Parent

Religion 1980 1990 2000 Husband Wife Husband Wife Husband Wife 1. Islam 50.0 77.1 57.0 79.0 13.0 61.9 2. Protestant 18.8 29.0 27.1 41.0 16.0 55.6 3. Catholic 46.2 75.5 41.8 51.0 25.0 93.8 4. Hindu 8.6* 33.3* 5.6 0 40.0 - 5. Buddhist - - 4.8 0 - - 6. Others - - 20.0 0 - -

* For Census-80, Hindu, Buddhist and so on unified for analyses. Census-1980 = 685 children; Census-1990 = 1044 children; Census 2000 = 83 children. Source: Census 1980, 1990 and 2000

ULIL: In observing those data, is it true that one motive of fikh (Islamic jurisprudence) is to forbid Muslim woman from marrying non Muslims and hence it is essentially irrelevant as it is so rare?

NURYAMIN: Yes, that is so because fikh discipline depends essentially on hypothetical matters, that is it supposes and depends upon notions which are not proven empirically. Nevertheless we do find that unempirical fikhs are taken as reference points by people, that their behaviour does appear to be “dictated” non-empirical fikhs. Instead Fikh discipline should instead be constantly altered according to the developments within a particular society and time.

I think that radical change is needed if this process was to be used to evaluate the relevance of the old fikh. If in the old fikh laws Muslim woman can’t marry non Muslims based on the reason that the children would not become Muslims then that law would have no empirical base anymore according to the data given above. Therefore, in this case in particular, we have to deconstruct the myth of fikh which prohibits Muslim woman from marrying non Muslims. The data from the Central Bureau of statistics (BPS) justifies this even if it contains an error of about 2-3 %.

ULIL: Generally, based on your discovery, do the parents use particular strategies to attract their children towards certain religions?

NURYAMIN: The interesting thing that emerged from this research is that out of several religions, it is the Muslim and Catholic communities who were dominant in influencing their offspring. (Look at table II). This phenomenon might be related to both religions as having propagandist doctrines. The canonist doctrine of the Church even puts an anti-nuptial agreement into effect which obliges Catholic couples to catholicize their children. The church is expected to watch over the realization of that agreement through baptism. Islam is similar, even though it has different terms or degrees of proselytism. In Islam, the theological burden and responsibility to educate their offspring according to Islam lies with the parents. In the Qur’an, and Hadits, the parent’s responsibility to educate their children in religious matters is frequently mentioned.

ULIL: As a lecturer in the sharia faculty, how do you observe prohibition of interfaith marriage holistically, that is, despite the fact that interfaith marriage occurs constantly if not to any great degree?

NURYAMIN: Even if the prohibition of IFM is available, the matter is not as such about religion. There are correlated social categories and variables in theological interpretation. Indeed the Koran clearly says, “Do not marry polytheists….” (QS 2:221). In Arabic language, the vocabulary al-musyrikât (polytheists) points toward certain communities (al-ma’rifah). It is not nakirah,instead it points toward prohibiting marriage with other imagined opposing communities. Al-musyrikat atheism, is a social category and not only a theological term.

I think, the musyrikmentioned in that verse is an illustration of how the Quarish people of Mecca were discriminating against the Muslim community which had only been recently formed at that time. We can imagine that if the enmity towards Islam was so deep, how could one marry outside of the faith? The fundamental issue of IFM prohibition is a social and political matter. As the logic of a religion develops within a particular socio-political context, the IFM prohibition is then a result of the hegemony of theology.

ULIL: The prohibition of interfaith marriage is often heard at the grass-roots level. Even the verses of the Qur’an which allows Muslim men to marry non Muslim woman is considered as haram (prohibited). Can you comment on this?

NURYAMIN: That kind of interpretation is a resulted of neglecting the social setting of the revelation of that Koranic verse. Each verse has its own context. Besides, the matter of religion is an obviously important issue within society and within each household. Religious differences are often considered as obstructions to a harmonious life.

People always consider the verse 221 of Al Baqarah to be an argument for IFM prohibition. The difficult political context of musyrik at that time marked an apprehensive attitude about maintaining the holy expectations of marriage which used to be called mîtsâqan ghalîdzâ (the strong bond). Consequently, the matter of kafâ’ah (equivalence) or religious equality for couples who want to marry is emphasized just as it is in classic Islamic jurisprudence.

ULIL: The interpretation about ahlul kitab (people of scripture) invites different opinions and controversies as well. What do you see as going on there?

NURYAMIN: That is associated with a doctrine which sometimes reduces the universality of the Qur’an. Let’s imagine who people in the scriptures are. To me, people of the scripture are illustrative of enlightened people. When they act, something is guiding them and that is because of the existence of the teachings they believe in. They were not in hurry like the musyrik who do not have any lucid references and hence simplistically oppose everyone.

Therefore, to me, people of the scripture are not conventionally limited to Jews or Christians but whomever had points of view guided by lucid theologies which prevent them from blindly opposing others. To me, that is the ideal illustration about people who are called “people of the scriptures.”

ULIL: The myth that interfaith marriages are particularly susceptible to conflict and divorce is rooted in people’s consciousness. What’s your comment on this?

NURYAMIN: Actually the matter of family conflict is not incited merely by religious differences. When each couple is capable of facing problems well, God willing, there will be no conflict. Even single faith couples experience conflict.

ULIL: What are the empirical marital conditions found in interfaith marriages? Are most of them happy or do they experience enduring conflicts as most people tend to think?

NURYAMIN: My research has not gone that far yet. The point is that we have to respect and listen to people who opt for interfaith marriage. If they eventually find peace, then the rejection of IFM on the presumed basis of unavoidable unhappiness should be put aside. So far we have been speculative and relied upon our own beliefs. We need to conduct field research into how many interfaith married couples actually get divorced. It might even be that their divorce rate is lower than partners who share the same religion.

We have observed that IFM couples can neutralize their religious differences and compensate for them through their similarities in other respects. People may think that the matter of religion is a personal matter concerning the individual and Allah, whereas it is more a matter of having to be good towards one’s wife whatever her religion is. These sort of arguments are sometimes used to counter the claim that IFM family life is a living hell.

Sometimes we actually find the case of an inter-opposing IFM couple. This happens because each of them over-idealize their own beliefs, that is, each partner strongly believes in his or her religion and that their own religion is better than their partners. I don’t take the relativist position that we have to admit to the truth of all religions. If one sees one’s own belief as right for themselves they don’t have the right to say that another person’s belief is wrong, and especially not to blame or abuse their partner verbally or psychologically.

Unequally Yoked?

October 11, 2008

If you have any fleeting knowledge of the Bible, you know exactly what the title of the post refers to. Often, this phrase is quoted by some Christian when discussing why they will not marry anyone else but another Christian. I wanted to discuss this issue in relation to Muslims, well specifically Muslim women, since this never seems to be an issue for Muslim men.

One of the first things I learned when I started to get of that age when I started to “mature” was that Muslim women do not marry non-Muslim men, doesn’t matter if they’re “people of the book” (i.e. Christians, Jews, Zorastians, among some scholars Hindus). There were no ifs, ands or buts about this. Muslim men, I was told, did not have to follow this same rule. They could marry women of the book and I saw some who did. Being the thinking girl that I was, I wondered why. One of the first answers I was given was that men are the head of the household and responsible for the religion of the children. If children had Muslim fathers, they were automatically Muslim, duh! But if they have non-Muslim fathers and Muslim mothers, they were automatically non-Muslims. This answer may have sounded ok in theory but then I saw that it wasn’t playing out in reality, at least not where I was. I saw children of Muslim fathers and Christian mothers who weren’t Muslim at all. I couldn’t even tell you about the opposite side of the coin because I rarely saw it and the Muslim women who “dared” to marry non-Muslims were usually run out of the community so I couldn’t tell you how their children ended up.

So if having a Muslim father didn’t ensure more Muslim children, there had to be another reason for not allowing Muslim women to marry out but allowing Muslim men to do so. There’s a verse in the Qur’an that addresses interfaith marriage.

5:5 Today, all the good things of life have been made lawful to you. And the food of those who have been vouchsafed revelation aforetime is lawful to you, and your food is lawful to them. And [lawful to you are], in wedlock, women from among those who believe [in this divine writ], and, in wedlock, women from among those who have been vouchsafed revelation before your time -provided that you give them their dowers, taking them in honest wedlock, not in fornication, nor as secret love-companions. But as for him who rejects belief [in God] – in vain will be all his works: for in the life to come he shall be among the lost.

This verse mentions only who is lawful for men and not women. So one question that could be asked is “doesn’t this verse apply to women too?” This is what Khaled Abou El-Fadl says:

Surprising to me, all schools of thought prohibited a Muslim woman from marrying a man who is a kitabi (among the people of the book). I am not aware of a single dissenting opinion on this, which is rather unusual for Islamic jurisprudence because Muslim jurists often disagreed on many issues, but this is not one of them.

All jurists agreed that a Muslim man or woman may not marry a mushrik [one who associates partners with God–there is a complex and multi-layered discourse on who is to be considered a mushrik, but we will leave this for a separate discussion]. However, because of al-Ma’ida verse 5, there is an exception in the case of a Muslim man marrying a kitabiyya. There is no express prohibition in the Qur’an or elsewhere about a Muslim woman marrying a kitabi. However, the jurists argued that since express permission was given to men, by implication women must be prohibited from doing the same. The argument goes: If men needed to be given express permission to marry a kitabiyya, women needed to be given express permission as well, but since they were not given any such permission then they must be barred from marrying a kitabi.

The justification for this rule was two-fold: 1) Technically, children are given the religion of their father, and so legally speaking, the offspring of a union between a Muslim male and a kitabiyya would still be Muslim; 2)It was argued that Muslim men are Islamically prohibited from forcing their wives to become Muslim. Religious coercion is prohibited in Islam. However, in Christianity and Judaism a similar prohibition against coercion does not exist. According to their own religious law, Muslim jurists argued, Christian men may force their Muslim wives to convert to their (the husbands’) religion. Put differently, it was argued, Islam recognizes Christianity and Judaism as valid religions, but Judaism and Christianity do not recognize the validity of Islam as a religion. Since it was assumed that the man is the stronger party in a marriage, it was argued that Christian and Jewish men will be able to compel their Muslim wives to abandon Islam. (If a Muslim man would do the same, he would be violating Islamic law and committing a grave sin).

This is the law as it exists or the legal legacy as we inherited it. In all honesty, personally, I am not convinced that the evidence prohibiting Muslim women from marrying a kitabi is very strong. Muslim jurists took a very strong position on this matter–many of them going as far as saying if a Muslim woman marries a kitabi she is as good as an apostate. I think, and God knows best, that this position is not reasonable and the evidence supporting it is not very strong. However, I must confess that in my humble opinion, I strongly sympathize with the jurists that argued that in non-Muslim countries it is reprehensible (makruh) for a Muslim to marry a non-Muslim.

http://www.scholarofthehouse.org/oninma.html

Now, I have to be honest and say that this issue doesn’t affect me because I am married to a Muslim and I honestly didn’t want to be in an interfaith marriage. However, it does affect a lot of Muslim women in Western countries. Some women have actually left the deen (religion) because of this issue. I have also met a couple of older sisters who converted while their husbands did not and remained married to their husbands. So I’m opening up the floor and asking what do you think?

Source : muslimnista

Source: islamic myths

Muslimas are allow to marry Non-Muslims

January 4, 2008 

The Muslim Inter-Faith Marriage Myth

Introdution

I study this issue for months and I can assure you that this document will prove to those who read it that Muslim man and women are allowed to marry almost every non Muslims.

Remember that a lot of Muslims have interfaith marriage but some Muslim think that’s haram.

I will use the Holy Quran, which is the ultimate truth that no Muslim can deny or question it, to prove to you that I’m right.

Read this before starting reading the arguments 

1º Argument: “Muslim are not allow to marry non Muslims according to Quran [2:221]”

Answer: The [2:221] in Holy Quran only proves that Muslims can’t marry Pagans

Let’s read it:

Do not marry idolatresses, until they believe; a believing slave girl is better than an idolatress, though you may admire her. And do not marry idolaters, until they believe. A believing slave is better than an idolater, though you may admire him. Those call unto the Fire; and God calls unto Paradise, and pardon, by His leave, and He makes clear His signs to the people; haply they will remember. [2:221]

وَلاتَنْكِحُواالْمُشْرِكَاتِحَتَّىيُؤْمِنَّوَلأمَةٌمُؤْمِنَةٌخَيْرٌمِنْمُشْرِكَةٍوَلَوْأَعْجَبَتْكُمْوَلاتُنْكِحُواالْمُشْرِكِينَحَتَّىيُؤْمِنُواوَلَعَبْدٌمُؤْمِنٌخَيْرٌمِنْمُشْرِكٍوَلَوْأَعْجَبَكُمْأُولَئِكَيَدْعُونَإِلَى
النَّارِوَاللَّهُيَدْعُوإِلَىالْجَنَّةِوَالْمَغْفِرَةِبِإِذْنِهِوَيُبَيِّنُآيَاتِهِلِلنَّاسِلَعَلَّهُمْيَتَذَكَّرُونَ

[2.221]

This verse tells us that male and female pagans are not good to marry Muslims (and Christians and Jews).

Some malicious Muslims use this verse to cheat people to not marry non Muslim because most people don’t know the meaning of idolatresses. Idolatresses means pagan (check the dictionary) but some people may ask: “Maybe in the Arabic Quran the word is not idolatresses.” In Arabic Quran al-musyrikâtmeans the same… check these other 4 translations made by different Arabs, those are considered official translations:

And do not marry the idolatresses until they believe, and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress woman, even though she should please you; and do not give (believing women) in marriage to idolaters until they believe, and certainly a believing servant is better than an idolater, even though he should please you; these invite to the fire, and Allah invites to the garden and to forgiveness by His will, and makes clear His communications to men, that they may be mindful.By Shakir

Do not marry pagan women unless they believe in God. A believing slave girl is better than an idolater, even though the idolaters may attract you. Do not marry pagan men unless they believe in God. A believing slave is better than an idolater, even though the idolater may attract you. The pagans invite you to the fire, but God invites you to Paradise and forgiveness through His will. God shows His evidence to people so that they may take heed.By Sarwar

And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you. And do not marry polytheistic men [to your women] until they believe. And a believing slave is better than a polytheist, even though he might please you. Those invite [you] to the Fire, but Allah invites to Paradise and to forgiveness, by His permission. And He makes clear His verses to the people that perhaps they may remember. By H/K/Saheeh

Do not marry pagan women until they become believers; a believing slave woman is better than a free pagan woman even though she may be more attractive to you. Likewise, do not marry pagan men until they become believers: a believing slave is better than a free pagan even though he may be more pleasing to you. These pagans invite you to the hellfire while Allah invites you towards paradise and forgiveness by His grace. He makes His revelations clear to mankind so that they may take heed. By Malik

Question: “Why the Quran tell us not to marry pagans? This sounds anti-Semitic “

Answer: God knows best, remember that polytheists never like people who believe in One God.

Example: Nero, Emperor of Rome set the city of Rome in flames, the Christians were getting to popular a big number of conversions happen but after creating such a crises and blame Christians and their God and prophet, the pagans started to killed them in the Coliseum.

”…that verse is an illustration of how the Quarish people of Mecca were discriminating against the Muslim community which had only been recently formed at that time.We can imagine that if the enmity towards Islam was so deep, how could one marry (them)” By Drs. Nuryamin

Anti-Semitic is saying that Muslims can only marry Muslims

NOTE: Is unquestionable that Muslim men are allow to marry Christians and Jewish women.

The only forbidden marriage by Quran is with pagans, so marry non pagans is allow and in the specific case – Male Muslims with Christians and Jews – there is a verse that confirms the case as legal by God.

This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is allowing unto them. You are allow to marrychaste women,believing women, with chaste women, women of the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when ye give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues.[5:5]

الْيَوْمَأُحِلَّلَكُمُالطَّيِّبَاتُوَطَعَامُالَّذِينَأُوتُواالْكِتَابَحِلٌّلَكُمْوَطَعَامُكُمْحِلٌّلَهُمْوَالْمُحْصَنَاتُمِنَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِوَالْمُحْصَنَاتُمِنَالَّذِينَأُوتُواالْكِتَابَمِنْقَبْلِكُمْإِذَاآتَيْتُمُوهُنَّأُجُورَهُنَّمُحْصِنِينَغَيْرَ
مُسَافِحِينَوَلامُتَّخِذِيأَخْدَانٍوَمَنْيَكْفُرْبِالإيمَانِفَقَدْحَبِطَعَمَلُهُوَهُوَفِيالآخِرَةِمِنَالْخَاسِرِينَ

[5:5]

2th Argument:“Muslim men are allow to marry non-Muslims but Muslim women are not allow to do it”

Answer: The Quran doesn’t say that Muslim women are not allowed to marry non-Muslims.

So Muslims who say that women are forbidden to marry non-Muslims always use two arguments to defend that idea. I can deny both of them without a shadow of doubt.

Argument 1 – Non Muslim men will lead their Muslim wives to Hell.

Let’s use the example of MuslimBridge.org

The reason for allowing men and not women is in order to protect the woman’s religion. If a Muslim man requested his Christian wife not to bring alcohol or pork in his house and that she not wear mini-skirts or kiss his friends, she could comply without affecting her religious teachings. However, if a Christian husband requested his Muslim wife to purchase alcohol and serve him pork, to wear mini­skirts and kiss his friends since it is his custom to kiss the wives of his friends. It is natural for a wife to try to please her husband. In the case of the Muslim wife, that could lead to the destruction of her faith.

Answer: This argument is ridiculous, check the info below:

1^st – Muslim women should obey and please their husbands all matters that are allow by God… that’s what the Quran says and we all know that. 

Sheikh Ibrahim Al-duwaysh wrote the bookHalal Magic (Al-Si7rul Halal).In it he says:

“She must obey him in all matters that are not haram (and if it does involve haram, then she should not listen to those commands)” 

The IslamWeb.net says the following:

She must obey him in matters that are not disobedience to Allah. Allah says:
“…but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance).” (4:34) Holy Quran

If there is any dangerous to a Muslim faith is to Muslim men who marry Non Muslim women because we all know that women have a huge influence in men… In the book Hala Magic by Sheik Ibrahim Al-duwayssh it says:

“There are ahadeeth saying that women are fitnah (e.g. the test of the bani israeel was in women).

>> The woman has that ability to be a fitnah for a man – meaning she can change his mind with certain actions of hers.

>> When they want to sell anything – they bring a women to do it – because they know the kind of sihr they have on their (men’s) hearts.”

Think about Ramadahaan for example, if the non Muslim man ask his Muslim wife to have sexual intercourse on daylight she can firmly say no but if a non Muslim wife ask her Muslim husband to have sex at daylight he will probably do it because women can seduce man very easily. It’s very difficult to a man say no to sex because of his physical constitution. Not to mention that usually is the wife who cooks so in Ramadahaan month that will be a problem to Muslim men.

If someone can be lead to hell is Muslim man and not the Muslim women who marry non Muslims.

Argument 2 – Sons of Muslim women who marry non Muslims will not be Muslims

Answer: This argument is also very used to forbid Muslim women to marry non Muslim and I will to prove to you that is ridiculous and if there is a problem with the religion of the children is when Muslim men marry non Muslim women.

Shiekh Jasem Al- Mutawa said this:

“For example, when this Muslim woman, tries to teach her kids to love and respect all prophets and believe in all of them, her non-Muslim husband will not agree, because he believes only in his prophet. He will interfere in the way she raises her kids, and prevents her from raising them in an Islamic way. And here comes the real problem, because she will have only two options, whether she leaves the whole thing as it is, and does nothing about it -which will be an insult to her religion- or she argues about the matter, and this will sure lead to more marital problems. 

On the other hand, there will be no such problems between a Muslim husband, and a non Muslim wife, because if this wife tried to teach her kids to love and believe in her prophet, her Muslim husband will not refuse that because he already believes in her prophet and all prophets. This is why Islam allows the marriage between Muslim man and non-Muslim woman, and forbids the marriage between Muslim woman, and non-Muslim man. Because Islam respects the marital relationship and wants to guarantee its stability, not because it respects men, and disrespects women”

Oh really??? Shiekh Jasem said that “if this wife tried to teach her kids to love and believe in her prophet, her Muslim husband will not refuse that because he already believes in her prophet and all prophets.” If that happens the kid of that Muslim will not be Muslim because if the wife is Christian for example and only teach about her prophet, her son will be a Christian and not a Muslim.

What Sheikh Jasem and the others Muslims who point this argument don’t know is that 62% to 80% of the children from a marriage between a Muslim women and a non Muslim husband will be Muslims. And on the other hand, when is the man the Muslim and the wife the non Muslim the provability of (the kid) being Muslim is only 13% to 57%. These numbers are facts… check the info below.

Liberal Islam Network publishes an interview by Ulil Abshar-Abdalla at 19th June 2003 with Drs. Nuryamin Aini, MA who is a lecturer on Sharia on the faculty of UIN Syarif Hidayatullah who is also a researcher at the Centre of Human Resource Development (PPSDM) UIN Jakarta.

Ulil: “What are the religious tendencies among children of interfaith marriages?”

NURYAMIN: “The religious tendencies of IFM children are a very interesting subject. In Islam, it doesn’t matter if a Muslim marries a non Muslim woman. According to data I’ve got at 1980, 50% of children of Muslims who marry non Muslim woman were Muslims. But, where the mother is Muslim and father is non Muslim, the number is higher: up to 77% would be Muslim. That number increased in 1990 by up to 79%. Hence it could be said that Muslim woman’s capability to Islamize her children when she marries a non Muslim is higher than if it is the husband who is Muslim. The mother’s domination can’t be separated from her role as the primary nurturer of her children. For example, this can be seen in the following table:”

Affiliation of Children of IFM couple according to religion, Year and Sex of Parent

Religion 1980  1990  2000  Husband  Wife  Husband  Wife  Husband  Wife  1. Islam  50.0  77.1  57.0  79.0  13.0  61.9  2. Protestant  18.8  29.0  27.1  41.0  16.0  55.6  3. Catholic  46.2  75.5  41.8  51.0  25.0  93.8  4. Hindu  8.6*  33.3*  5.6  0  40.0  –  5. Buddhist  –  –  4.8  0  –  –  6. Others  –  –  20.0  0  –  –

* For Census-80, Hindu, Buddhist and so on unified for analyses. Census-1980 = 685 children; Census-1990 = 1044 children; Census 2000 = 83 children. Source: Census 1980, 1990 and 2000

“We have to deconstruct the myth of fikh which prohibits Muslim woman from marrying non Muslims. The data from the Central Bureau of statistics (BPS) justifies this even if it contains an error of about 2-3 %.” Drs. Nuryamin Aini (in the same interview)

Conclusion and extra info

I strongly believe that the info that I showed to you in this document was very clear and I hope you had fall in the 3st group.

The Quran doesn´t instruct Muslim and especially Muslim women not to marry non-Muslims, only the pagans, which nowadays are almost impossible to find. Remember that God is not an oppressor, He only wants us to live in peace and for example the advice to not marry pagans is or was only to protect us. You can marry a pagan if you are absolutely sure that he or she won’t interfere with your faith.

Its obvious that marry a person of our religion is much better or easier. But if the person you want marry is not of your religion but respect your beliefs… I see no problems in that marriage.

There are those you claim that women should not marry non-Muslim because the Quran forbids everything and only write exceptions like 5:5… I didn’t point this as an argument because is too much unrealistic, that means that watch TV, go to the medic or anything else that is not expressly allow by the Quran is forbidden. This reminds me the Taliban’s beliefs so let us not give them importance because after all if every thing that you can do was wrote in the Quran, the Quran would had thousands of pages.

Extra info that I didn’t put in the answer to the following argument because is not from the Quran

Argument – Non Muslim men will lead their Muslim wives to Hell.

Fatwa Center of IslamWeb.net

As for the right of a husband, a wife is obliged to obey her husband, in matters that are not disobedience to Allah, The Prophet (Sallallahu Alaihi wa Sallam) said: “If a woman performs the five daily prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, keeps her chastity and obeys her husband, it will be said to her: enter Paradise through any of its gates you wish.” [Ahmad]

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I strongly recommend you to check your Quran and read the verses I wrote in this document so you can confirm that I didn’t made any change.

Orlando, 2007 Portugal