Saturday, 19 May 2018

Muslims discover risks, rewards in interfaith unions

August 16, 2002|By Colleen Mastony, Tribune staff reporter.
Source:Chicago Tribune

Mohammed Aboushousha is a Muslim. His wife, Anne, is a devoted Catholic. Married eight years and still practicing their separate religions, the south suburban couple are raising their daughter Catholic and likely to raise their son Muslim.

"There may be 100 different ways" to make such a complex partnership work, said Anne Aboushousha. "With a mother and daughter Christian and a father and son Muslim, it may not work for any other family."

Unlike Christian-Jewish couples, who can draw on a long list of books and support groups for advice, couples like the Aboushoushas have had few resources to help them navigate the territory of interfaith relationships.

But as their numbers grow, some organizations are reaching out.

At a weekend conference in Chicago starting Friday, the Dovetail Institute for Interfaith Family Resources, a group that supports Catholic-Jewish marriages, is offering a small seminar on Muslim intermarriages. Harold Vogelaar, a Lutheran School of Theology professor, will lead the discussion Sunday with help from his Muslim wife.

"Intermarriage is such a hot-button topic," said Mary Rosenbaum, Dovetail executive director. "It takes a lot of work for many couples. This seminar is an experiment for us, but the perception is that [Muslim intermarriages] are growing fast."

At the Islamic Society of North America, based in Plainfield, Ind., interfaith marriages now account for 30 percent of yearly marriage ceremonies performed there, said Sayyid Syeed, the secretary general.

For such couples, questions can range from how to orchestrate a marriage ceremony--should a Muslim bride of Indian descent wear a traditional red sari to her Christian wedding?--to how to raise the children. Christian? Muslim? Or a third religion altogether?

The advice on religion could apply to many issues in a marriage. "Know each other's faith. Know your own faith. Be open to learning. Ask the hard questions.... Talk about how the children will be raised ahead of time," Vogelaar said.

Worries keep some silent

Reactions to such relationships can be strong, especially after Sept 11. Even Vogelaar is reluctant to talk publicly about his own marriage, in part out of fear of the reaction from the Muslim community.

According to Islamic law, Muslim men can marry Jewish or Christian women, considered "People of the Book," as Islam recognizes Moses and Jesus as prophets and the Torah and Gospels as revelations from God. The presumption in such marriages is that the children would be raised as Muslims.

But non-Muslim men who want to marry Muslim women must convert, scholars say, and people who do not follow the rules can face ostracism.

When Asma Ali, 28, announced her engagement to an Episcopalian, her father didn't talk to her for a year. She and her husband, Andrew Curtis, 29, of Streeterville, are now a year into the marriage and their families have come around. But that didn't end the sense of isolation.


"The hardest thing about it was that we couldn't find anyone who had done it before," Ali said. "People `marry out,' but no one knows what happens to them.... They kind of drop off the face of the Earth."

The couple have tried to practice both religions--in a kind of separate but equal arrangement.

They had two wedding ceremonies, one Muslim, the other Episcopalian. He said the "shahadah," the equivalent of conversion, at the Muslim ceremony, though he continues to consider himself an Episcopalian.

She goes to church with him on Sundays but doesn't take Communion. He fasted with her through the holy month of Ramadan in the past year and sometimes joins her for one of her five daily prayers.

"There are clerics who say that I might not even be Muslim anymore," Ali said. "But I think it has made me a stronger Muslim to be married to Andy.... When you have to explain to someone who doesn't know, it makes you think about why you believe."

Other couples have opted for the less complicated route, choosing one religion.

"I've kind of joined my wife's family," said Umar Ali, 30, of Park Ridge, who grew up in an observant family and identifies himself as Muslim, but considers himself more of a spiritual agnostic. His wife is Catholic.

The couple decided to raise their child Catholic and had their 9-month-old daughter baptized in a private ceremony recently. Living in the United States, "it's just easier that way," he said.

Children are a `reality check'

For many, religion doesn't become an issue until the arrival of children. "That was the reality check," said Mohammed Aboushousha, 37.

He had agreed that their children would be raised Catholic before the marriage. But he was later haunted by guilt and found himself crying at his daughter's baptism.

"It was the hardest thing," he said. "I'm always going to be hoping they are going to be Muslim."

For the last two years, Rita George Tvrtkovic has helped organize a weekend series for Muslim-Christian couples at Cenacle Retreat House in Chicago. The most recent retreat attracted about 20 people from across the country, primarily through word of mouth, she said.

"People are just desperate for resources," Tvrtkovic said. "We had this idea and all of a sudden we had people coming forward saying, `Yes! We need this.'"


The conference will start Friday at Makom Shalom, 635 S. Dearborn St., and will continue Saturday and Sunday at the Union League Club, 65 W. Jackson Blvd.
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Friday, 4 May 2018

Marriage to Non-Muslim Man


Why a Muslim Woman Is Not Allowed to Marry a Non-Muslim Man

Question and answer from IslamOnline.net:
Name of Questioner: Zenab

Question:

Dear Sheikhs, As-Salamu `alaykum. I would like to know why a woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man while a Muslim man can marry a Jewish or Christian lady? What is the wisdom of that? Jazakum Allah khayran.
Date: 28/Sep/2003
Name of Muftis: Yusuf Al-Qaradawi and Muhammad `Ali Al-Hanooti

Answer:

Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear sister in Islam, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
First of all, it is to be stressed that Islam does not encourage the interfaith marriages. The general rule of Islam is that Muslims should marry Muslims. A Muslim male or female should not marry a non-Muslim male or female. The only exception is given to Muslim men who are allowed to marry the chaste girls from among the People of the Book.
However, a Muslim woman is better suited to a Muslim man than a woman of Christian or Jewish faith, regardless of her merits. This is because marriage is not based on fulfilling one’s sexual desires; rather, it is an institution. It aims to establish a home on the bases of tranquility, faith, and Islamic morals. To fulfill this task, the whole family must apply Allah’s course and try to convey His message.
It is obvious that Islam made it impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim with aim of keeping her away from things that may jeopardize her faith. In fact, Islam aims at protecting religion. To achieve this goal, it prohibits a Muslim from being involved in something that represents a threat to his religion. A Muslim woman will not feel that her religion is secure while being with a Jewish or a Christian husband especially as the majority of the People of the Book do not show due respect to our Prophet, Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).
Allah Almighty says: “And the Jews will not be pleased with thee, nor will the Christians, till thou follow their creed. Say: Lo! The guidance of Allah (Himself) is Guidance. And if thou shouldst follow their desires after the knowledge which hath come unto thee, then wouldst thou have from Allah no protecting friend nor helper.” (Al-Baqarah: 120)
Given the fact that the husband is generally the head of the household, it's not far-fetched for a non-Muslim husband to prevent his Muslim wife from performing some Islamic rituals which may seem a nuisance to him, for example fasting, or even refraining from marital relations during the fast. As a result, he might force her to change her religion, and if she refuses, the situation may culminate in divorce.
As for why Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, it's clear that every Muslim believes in Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them) and he holds all the Prophets of Allah in high esteem. Thus a Muslim finds no harm in his wife’s being a Christian or a Jew, for the spirit of tolerance Islam holds for other religions is ingrained in him.
In his response to the question you raised, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, states:
"If Allah is the one who prohibits a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim, then we as Muslims are supposed to believe it and to take it. As a matter of faith, you cannot become a Muslim unless you accept everything when it is ordained by Allah or carried out by his Messenger. The Qur'an says, "O Ye who believe! Put not yourselves forward before Allah and His Messenger…" (Al-Hujurat: )
If you ask about the benefits of not marrying a non-Muslim, we can count you many reasons. A man is the manager of his household. He will persecute his Muslim wife in many dos and don'ts. She can hardly guarantee that kind of operation. Moreover, marriage is an institution for elevating our levels of having a good Islamic life. Pleasing Allah is our number one goal. If a woman is married to a non-Muslim, maybe the only thing she will accomplish in her marital life is what is good for livestock."
Shedding more light on the question, we'd like to cite the words of the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheik Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, in his well-known book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam:
"It is haram for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, regardless of whether he is of the People of the Book or not. We have already mentioned the saying of Allah, "...and do not marry (your girls) to idolaters until they believe..." (Al-Baqarah: 221)
And He said concerning the immigrant Muslim women: "Then if you know them to be Believers, do not send them back to the unbelievers. They are not lawful for them (as wives), nor are they lawful for them (as husbands)." (Al-Mumtahanah: 10)
No text exists which makes exceptions for the People of the Book. Hence, on the basis of the above verses, there is a consensus among Muslims concerning this prohibition.
Thus, while a Muslim man is permitted to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Christian or Jewish man. There are many sound reasons for this difference. First, the man is the head of the household, the one who maintains the family, and he is responsible for his wife. And while Islam guarantees freedom of belief and practice to the Christian or Jewish wife of a Muslim, safeguarding her rights according to her own faith, other religions, such as Judaism and Christianity, do not guarantee the wife of a different faith freedom of belief and practice, nor do they safeguard her rights. Since this is the case, how can Islam take chances on the future of its daughters by giving them into the hands of people who neither honor their religion nor are concerned to protect their rights?
A marriage between a man and woman of different faiths can be based only on the husband's respect for his wife's beliefs; otherwise, a good relationship can never develop. Now, the Muslim believes that both Judaism and Christianity originated in divine revelation, although later distortions were introduced into them. He also believes that God revealed the Tawrah to Moses and the Injeel to Jesus and that both Moses and Jesus (peace be on them) were among the Messengers of Allah who were distinguished by their steadfast determination.
Accordingly, the Christian or Jewish wife of a Muslim lives under the protection of a man who respects the basic tenets of her faith, her Scripture, and her Prophets, while in contrast to this the Jew or Christian recognizes neither the Divine origin of Islam, its Book, or its Prophet (peace be on him).
How then could a Muslim woman live with such a man, while her religion requires of her the observance of certain worships, duties, and obligations, as well as certain prohibitions. It would be impossible for the Muslim woman to retain her respect for her beliefs as well as to practice her religion properly if she were opposed in this regard by the master of the house at every step.
It will be realized from this that Islam is consistent with itself in prohibiting the Muslim man to marry a mushrik (polytheist) woman, for since Islam is absolutely opposed to shirk (polytheism), it would obviously be impossible for two such people to live together in harmony and love."
Allah knows best.

*** End of answer from IslamOnline.net ***

I want to add to this a comment on this topic written by a Muslim sister going by the name Greetings on the Nairaland.com forum. I found her comment to be right on point:

Comment by Sister "Greetings":

Being a Muslim woman means submitting to Allah's will first. His love should come first in your heart, by so doing you choose a spouse that you know deep in your heart Allah is pleased with.
Apart from this,i believe that if you are a true and practicing Muslimah, you would find it hard to date, not to talk of marrying a non-Muslim. And do not enter into such relationships with something like "i can change him". Its a trap from shaytan.
If you do marry a non-Muslim, what it means is that ;
One, you gradually lose your spirituality and closeness to Allah. For Gods sake, the man that is supposed to wake u up for fajr is snoozing it away. The man that is meant to take you to usrah is on his way to church service. The man that is supposed to stop you from doing haram things doesn't even know what that means to begin with.
Two, you have conflicting interest, he doesn't understand your Islam like you do. For instance, you wake up in the morning and he says its action time, meanwhile its fajr time. He cannot understand why you would choose some morning exercise over him. It can gradually cause a rift.
Three, you just might eventually have to drop your Islam for him. Trust me, he will tell you, you can practice your deen, marry you and when you drop baby number one, he or his family members will tell you, you have to change or......... you can guess the remaining. At last, you either lose your marriage or your deen.
Lastly and most dangerously, your children and generations become confused beings, is it mummy or daddy's religion? Sometimes they become so confused they choose to become atheists. Cause they cant understand; if both your religion is better why did you marry each other. Trust me they will ridicule both religion in the long run.
My question with all these points is, so whats the point?
I hope from all my implicating points above, I have been able to convince and not confuse you that the only solution is to avoid at all cost marrying a non-Muslim.
Thank you.

30 Responses »


  1. Dani
    March 31, 2016 • 12:41 am
    What if I have been married to a great and honorable man for 23 years, and I am considering converting to Islam. He is not interested in converting at this time, and I love him and do not wish for divorce. Does this mean I cannot convert to Islam?
    I am very conflicted.
    Reply

    • Wael
      March 31, 2016 • 5:09 am
      That's a tough one. The standard Islamic answer is that a Muslim woman cannot be married to a non-Muslim man. When she converts to Islam there is a short grace period during which the husband is encouraged to convert as well; if he refuses, the marriage is dissolved.
      In your case, though, considering how long you've been married - I don't know. You should ask a scholar - I recommend Dr. Muzammil Siddiqui of Orange County California, if you can get a hold of him.
      I will say this - I would rather see you convert to Islam and remain married to your husband than not convert at all. I believe Islam is a true and beautiful way of life, and I don't think you should deprive yourself of it.
      I wish you the best in every way.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

  2. beana
    April 4, 2016 • 4:01 pm
    I am divorced Muslim woman that was mistreated and at an age no Muslim will marry to say man head of house hold not true in US for even the women that concert to Islam to marry have control of their homes as I am a woman that was good to my husband and betrayed by him been 5 years in a desire for marriage but as men of Islam most all will marry young girls and i am stuck to being alone do to the faith we have i don't blame my religion but truthfully it is reality of this for me to have so much of life in me but i feel dead to this world and my hatred is growing as i get older please i tried to do everything in the name of Islam but I have no help from the Muslim faith in any way few words here and there has not helped me in serving this life i have so much anger the longer i try to learn and understand to be a good Muslim the more i get angry
    Reply

    • Wael
      April 4, 2016 • 7:31 pm
      Sorry to hear that you were mistreated by your husband, but I don't see how this reflects on Islam as a whole, and I don't see the cause of your continuing anger and hatred. Life, by definition, is difficult. It is how we respond to it that defines us as human beings. We can respond to the troubles of life with anger, or with patience and trust in Allah. It is a choice. The choice you make determines whether your soul will feel alive, or will feel dead.
      In any case, if you want to discuss it, please register and submit your question as a separate post.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

    • Aliya
      April 23, 2016 • 10:55 pm
      Sister I am in the same situation as you and can't see a way out. I have fallen in love with a non muslim which he keeps saying he is going to convert, but I don't know if that is guna happen. And I don't see my family excepting him or me if he does convert. Need to say that I was mistreated by my exhusband so I felt home for 9yrs and about jst having a reconciliation with my family and now I don't no which path to take my family or to wait for him
      Reply

  3. beana05
    April 24, 2016 • 1:55 pm
    Thank you, As you know no one will feel what we do and can not understand, Fallow your heart and believe in Allah to me if you dont need to change for him and he is God fearing also good to you, what more does is there does a women ask for but a good partner in this life and the after. May Allah Give you ease,and guide you
    Reply

    • Fatimah AN Faye
      May 2, 2016 • 4:26 pm
      Thanks for this opportunity. I only want more clarification. I am married to Christian before I converted to Islam. I try my best to talk to my Christian husband but he refuses and gets angry Every time I ask him to convert into Islam. What will happen to my marriage now? We couldnt be together hence he dont want to become muslim. My passport was about to expire on 2018 and im planning to used my father's name for the renewal of passport. Could it be possible? How about my marriage concerns? how can make it dissolved since there s no divorce in Philippine law?? I have been for umrah. I have my certificate from the court of Kuwait. Can I used it to change my name into my muslim name?
      Thanks.
      Reply

  4. Nanachant
    June 5, 2016 • 5:45 pm
    I'd like to add that women are the most equipped to compromise and adapt, whereas men usually stay the same (except under special circumstance). From experience, and reading so many posts on this website, a woman will change herself to be compatible with her spouse. Men are generally easily content and much more rational. Whereas, women have a deficiency (and strength in some cases) which is called emotion. 
    So, if a Muslim woman married a non Muslim man then eventually and gradually the woman will change herself or compromise her Islam. Even if the man is honorable and amazing, there will be pressure on him from some direction (his family, church, friends, peers) and a woman will pick up on that easily. The change won't happen over night, because shaitan is patient (and let us seek refuge in Allah from it). 
    There are a couple of posts from a member named Ryan. He converted to marry his wife and her family accepted but then he reverted back to Christianity. At first, her Fitra made her feel that it was wrong but then she became more relaxed. She even allows her children to go to church with their father. I'm sure Ryan is a good husband, but he believes that "some rules in Islam" are medieval.
    Our job as Muslims is to preserve Islam. I don't judge the couple who decides to be this way but it does make me sad because I converted because I fell in love with everything about Islam. I had this issue with my own father, he pretended to be accepting but gradually started to try and manipulate me.
    Reply

  5. beana05
    June 5, 2016 • 6:10 pm
    Its not the religion that makes life hard its the people that judge and treat the women with no respect, forget what and where they end up after giving them half their life.
    Reply

  6. Tabib Islam
    June 7, 2016 • 5:38 pm
    Assalamu alaykum,
    We live in America. Our daughter is planning on marrying an American kafir airborne soldier. We pray for his conversion to Islam and warn her or becoming an enemy of Allah by befriending Allah's enemy's. We have forbid this at every level but she ignores our warnings.
    If she does marry this kafir what are we to do, rhetorically?
    1) Is she still a Muslim?
    2) Can she offer prayers with us?
    3) Allah warns against the breaking of family ties. Do we break ties with the enemy's of Allah even if they are family?
    What are we to do?
    Please cite Sunnah and Surah in your reply.
    May Allah guide us all and further reward your efforts.
    Reply

    • Wael
      June 7, 2016 • 6:54 pm
      Tabib, wa alaykum as-salam. The scholars at IslamQA.com say:
      "If a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim man, knowing the ruling thereon, then she is a zaaniyah and is subject to the hadd punishment for zina. If she was unaware of the ruling, then she is excused, but they must be separated, with no need for talaaq (divorce), because the marriage is invalid in the first place."
      So marriage to a non-Muslim man is a serious sin equivalent to zinaa. However, it does not cast one out of Islam. So yes, she is still Muslim and she can still pray.
      My personal opinion is that the best course of action, if she insists on committing this sin, is to maintain your relationship with her and continue trying to gently advise her back to the way of Allah. Who knows, perhaps if you are kind, her husband will accept Islam as well. But also continue reminding her that it is a serious sin.
      Also, if I may be frank, the time to address these kinds of issues is before they happen. Children should be raised having a good relationship with Allah, knowing their deen, and knowing the Islamic approach to relationships and marriage. What happens when children reach adulthood is out of our hands, but if we have done our best to raise them with taqwa, hopefully they will make good choices.
      If you need further advice please register and submit your question as a separate post.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

    • Shabz
      June 25, 2016 • 2:28 pm
      Get a grip!! She is your daughter love her unconditionally and be proud you have brought her up to be strong willed. She's happy
      Reply

  7. Bhrigu
    June 27, 2016 • 10:13 am
    is there any difference between blood of muslim and non-muslims... dont they breath same air , drink same water ... and live on the same planet .... is Allah giving different Sun or moon light to non-believer ... then why do you want to treat Muslims and non muslims differently ... is it so tough to understand ... 
    From :
    a Non-mulim god loving Person...
    Reply

    • Wael
      June 27, 2016 • 7:32 pm
      Bhrigu, the difference is that the Muslim worships Allah, while the non-Muslim does not. For a Muslim, the worship of Allah (in all ways) is the very purpose of our creation. Therefore it makes sense to marry someone who shares our view and will help us on that path, not someone who will take us away from it.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

  8. khurshid imam
    July 4, 2016 • 10:41 pm
    A. Introduction
    It is widely believed by most of Muslims that a Muslim man can marry any woman from ahle-kitab. Ahle-kitab is Arabic word which refers to people of the book or people who were given previous scriptures by Almighty God. The general understanding about ahle-kitab is that it refers to Jews and Christians.
    So Muslims believe that a Muslim man can marry ANY jew or Christian lady. However this is an incorrect and incomplete belief.
    Wait….. Don’t open your fatwa bank. Just read the complete article.
    B. Reason of the misconception
    As usual; this misunderstanding is also because of not believing and pondering over the Quran. Quran is the uncorrupted and final message of Almighty God for the mankind. Though God has time and again commanded in the Quran to strongly hold it and take decisions as per the guidance of Quran but Muslims – as a whole - have failed to do so. Practically majority of Muslims prefer Quran to their set of scholars.
    So even on the issue of marriage with Ahle-kitab; people don’t ponder over the Quran to seek guidance and blindly follow their set of scholars. Some Muslims believe that marriage with ALL jew / Christian lady is allowed even though she is a msuhrik!!!
    Some Muslims believe that today marriage with Jew / Christian is NOT allowed at all!! So we see the different and contradictory ruling on the same matter because of abandoning Quran.
    Note: Mushrik refers to a person who associate partner with Almighty God.
    C. Revisiting basics
    Though Muslims day and night swear that “Quran is the word of Almighty God, we should follow the teachings of Quran into our life, we should rule by Quran” - but when it comes to seeking guidance then first thing people do is set aside Quran and look at other sources.
    " The month of Ramadhan in which was revealed the Quran, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion ……." [Quran, Surah Baqrah 2: 185]
    Please mark the purpose of Quran.
    It is for whole mankind. Quran is not exclusive property of any particular sect, religion, group of race.
    Quran contains clear proofs. The proofs given by Quran are self explanatory.
    Quran is for guidance purpose. We MUST seek guidance from Quran.
    Quran is the criterion – it means in any matter Quran will have the last say; what is right and what is wrong – what Quran decides will be final.
    Those who don’t follow rulings from Quran are kafir and fasiq and zalim as per Quran.
    It was we who revealed the law (to Moses): therein was guidance and light. By its standard have been judged the Jews, by the prophets who bowed (as in Islam) to Allah’s will, by the rabbis and the doctors of law: for to them was entrusted the protection of Allah’s book, and they were witnesses thereto: therefore fear not men, but fear me, and sell not my signs for a miserable price. If any do fail to judge by what Allah has revealed, they are Unbelievers (kaferoon). [Quran, Surah Maida 5:44]
    We ordained therein for them: "Life for life, eye for eye, nose or nose, ear for ear, tooth for tooth, and wounds equal for equal." But if any one remits the retaliation by way of charity, it is an act of atonement for him. And if any fail to judge by what Allah has revealed, they are wrong-doers (Zalemoon). [Quran, Surah Maida 5:45]
    Let the people of the Gospel judge by what Allah hath revealed therein. If any do fail to judge by what Allah has revealed, they are those who rebel (Faseqoon). [Quran, Surah Maida 5:47]
    To you We sent the Scripture in truth, confirming the scripture that came before it, and guarding it in safety: so judge between them by what Allah hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, diverging from the Truth that hath come to thee…….;[Quran, Surah Maida 5:48]
    And this (He commands): you judge between them by what Allah hath revealed, and follow not their vain desires, but beware of them lest they beguile thee from any of that (teaching) which Allah hath sent down to thee. And if they turn away, be assured that for some of their crime it is Allah’s purpose to punish them. And truly most men are rebellious. [Quran, Surah Maida 5:49]
    Above ayah of Quran make very clear that if we judge against the guidance of Quran then it is kufr / zulm / fisq / absolutely wrong. See how much emphasis Allah has given on judging from what he has revealed.
    D. Marriage with mushrik is NOT allowed
    Quran – the word of Almighty God guide us on this issue in following ayah:
    1. Quran, Surah Maida 5:5 – “This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book, revealed before your time,- when you give them their due dowers, and desire chastity, not lewdness, nor secret intrigues if any one rejects faith, fruitless is his work, and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).”
    2. Quran, Surah Baqrah 2:221 – “Do not marry mushrik (One who associates partner with GOD) women , until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to mushrik until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.”
    Going by above two ayah it becomes crystal clear that:
    1. Marriage with msuhrik (One who associate partner with GOD) is not allowed – both for men and women. In no any case one can marry a person who associate partner with God. Quran 2:221
    2. Marriage with women from people of the book is allowed. Quran 5:5 . Also please note that 5:5 emphasize on marriage with CHASTE women among people of the book.
    Combining both ayah we realize that ONLY those women from people of the book are lawful for marriage who are NOT mushrik
    The mistake many people make is that they read 5:5 in isolation and think that marriage with ALL jew or Christian lady is allowed even if she is a mushrik. This disastrous misunderstanding is because of not taking into consideration all similar ayah of a quran on any particular issue. Let me make it simple.
    If you ask a scholar – “Quran, Surah Miada 5:5 makes it lawful to eat food of people of the book. So can a Muslim eat pork made by a jew or Christian?” The reply would be – “No”. Why? Because we need to look at other ayah over the issue of food and then understand 5:5. When we read Quran then we find that Almighty God prohibits pork in 4 places:
    Surah Baqrah 2:173
    Surah Maida 5:3
    Surah Anam 6:145
    Surah Nahal 16:115
    So the proper understanding will be that pork is prohibited – no matter it is prepared by Muslims or Non Muslim. Rest of other halal food made by Ahle kitab is permitted.
    So 5:5 gives general ruling over food of ahle kitab and marriage with Ahle kitab.
    2:173, 5:3, 6:145, 16:115 – makes clear that pork is prohibited in all cases.
    2:221 – makes clear that marriage with mushrik is prohibited in all cases.
    So Quran makes ample clear that only those ladies from Jews and Christians are lawful for marriage who don’t associate partner with God. It may possible that an Ahle-kitab lady does not believe in Prophet Muhammad or life hereafter but she does not associate partner with God – then marriage with her is allowed. However if she believes:
    a. Prophet Jesus to be son of God.
    b. Prophet Jesus to be God.
    c. Trinity i.e. unification of 3 gods
    …… or such thing that makes her mushrik then marriage with such ladies is NOT AT ALL allowed.
    Practically speaking today – very few women will fall under this category with whom marriage is allowed.
    E. Conclusion
    1. It is a misconception to believe that Islam permits marriage with ANY ahle kitab or Jew / Christian.
    2. Marriage with any mushrik is not allowed. No matter, male or female – marriage with them is not allowed in any case.
    3. Marriage of Muslim man with ahle-kitab woman is allowed ONLY if she is NOT a mushrik. If she believes:
    a. Prophet Jesus to be son of God.
    b. Prophet Jesus to be God.
    c. Trinity i..e unification of 3 gods
    …… or such things that makes her msuhrik then marriage with such ladies is NOT AT ALL allowed.
    4. Even if very few ladies (among ahle kitab) will fall under such category with which marriage is allowed, one MUST stick to the commandment of God.
    Note: Does Ahle-Kitab means ONLY Jews and Christians? Answer is – No. Wait for the article on this topic in future inshallah.
    * If you don't agree with the mail then instead of giving fatwa of deviation / kufr / shirk / biddat - have faith in Allah and leave it to him to judge.
    * Author: Khurshid Imam is software engineer at Bangalore.
    The article can be found at: http://khurshidimam.blogspot.com/2011/12/marriage-with-ahle-kitab-women.html and same has been attached in the mail.
    Reply

    • hilk
      January 6, 2017 • 8:40 pm
      Thank you, Khurshid Imam, for a very clear explanation why a Moslim cannot marry any Jewish or Christian lady. But on the contrary on what you say, I think there are lots of women among the "people of the Book" that a Moslim man could marry on the premises you say. First all the Jewish women: the Jews don't believe Jesus to be God or God's son, neither do they believe in the Trinity of God. And there are lots of young women in so called Christian countries who believe in God but think Jesus as a good man and a Teacher, not God at all. With all these a Moslim man could marry. Or am I wrong?
      Reply

  9. Rachel Middleton
    October 10, 2016 • 12:52 pm
    I believe my husband took his shahadda in order to marry me. In a time of weakness, I reached out to him, inviting a relationship.
    Our marriage has been rough to say the least. Physically and emotionally abusive but I still have strong feelings towards him. I have made Istakhara on several occasions when things are bad. Regardless of how bad it has gotten, I find it hard to leave because my heart is content with staying but knowing that abuse in any form us unacceptable I can not bring myself to leave. Leaving just doesn't feel right. Since our marriage I find myself reaching for Allah's guidance more and more. Could this be taken as staying is the right thing to do?
    Reply

  10. fauzeeya jamal deen
    November 14, 2016 • 3:41 pm
    Salaam alaikum. If it's not right for a Muslim women to marry a non Muslim man but he is liberal and even willing to convert can she marry him. Is it also a single if he converts so that he can marry her
    Reply

    • Wael
      November 14, 2016 • 6:17 pm
      fauzeeya, it is haram for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man under any circumstances, no matter how "liberal" he might be. If he converts to Islam sincerely, truly believing in Allah and His Messenger, then yes, she can marry him. But a Muslim woman should not be involved with a non-Muslim man in the first place, so it shouldn't even come to this. She should not be dating any man, or getting close, or having a relationship without marriage.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

      • Ann
        September 9, 2017 • 12:43 am
        I've seen a lot of stigma against older and/or divorced women in the muslim community. Essentially a lot of men view them as trash and refuse to marry them. Muslim men in the US also have a high rate of marrying out (I've read 16%). Yet a lot of scholars seem to forget that women have desires too. If women with not many options cannot marry a chaste person of the book, what should they do? What other options does she have other then committing zina or leaving Islam?
        Reply

  11. Shahid
    February 21, 2017 • 9:12 pm
    What if my non Muslim ( Christian ) wife disrespects Quran when angry with me. She has done this second time and says Sorry but I fear she would repeat it.
    She's pregnant with my baby.
    What should I do?
    Your help and guidance is required in the matter.
    Jazakallah
    Reply

    • Wael
      February 22, 2017 • 2:05 am
      Sorry for stating the obvious, but this is the problem with marrying a non-Muslim. However, you are already in the situation and must work to resolve it. I suggest that the two of you see a counselor who can teach you to communicate in a more healthy and supportive way. In any case, I think you should be patient with her and do not become angry. She does that deliberately to get a reaction from you, maybe because she's angry about something. Don't react, and perhaps she'll stop doing it.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

      • Shahid
        February 22, 2017 • 9:38 am
        Thank you for answering
        Should I consider separation? Nothing is dearer to me then my prophet n my book. Not even my family.
        Will I be committing a sin if I forgive and continue with the relationship?
        Reply

        • 123456789
          May 17, 2017 • 12:37 am
          As Salaamu Alaykum 
          I dont understand why a Muslim marry a non Muslim.There are only problems,True Allah give permission to marry the people of the Books but otherside this People are now Gods/Idol Worshippers.(As example the Christian says Jesus is the son of God(Astaghfirullah)and this is of course kuffar.)Why one marry such People,really.
          Shahid and i have some questions.Is she still drinking Alcohol and eating pork??
          because how can one Muslim live with such a Women?
          I would says try this she convert to Islam,but of course not with force,you only ask her.
          And now too why Islam against to marry a non-Muslim, because were you onetime thinking what can happening if you have a Child?(Like you wrote she is pregnant.)
          As example if it come to a Divorce she definelly will get your Child and then the Child will be educated to a non Muslim and you too will get sin for this.
          Pray to Allah this your Christian Wife will convert to Islam,if she refuse dont end the marriage,first speak to a Mufti/Sheikh who can give Fatwas and ask him what to do.
          Reply

  12. Afreen
    May 26, 2017 • 2:54 pm
    As salam o alaikum 
    I m a Muslim girl & I m loving a Hindu guy from past 9years. But when he proposed me at that time only I have told him that he has to convert in Islam he was ready even now he is ready but he has a sister he is saying that he will get marry her then he will convert. But now I have come to know that it is not good in Islam to be in a relationship before marriage but he is not allowing me to leave him& he is crying that he will come in Islam & still I m awaiting for his conversation. 
    Pls suggest me something.
    Reply

    • Wael
      May 26, 2017 • 3:32 pm
      Afreen, cut off your relationship with him, as it is haram. If he is sincere about converting to Islam, then let him do so and come with a proposal of marriage. However I feel this relationship is a mistake. It's obvious he does not really want to convert, so any conversion he offers will probably be insincere. Leave this relationship and find a good Muslim man Insha'Allah.
      Wael
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor
      Reply

  13. maz
    June 2, 2017 • 4:08 pm
    what will happen to religion of muslim woman who marry non muslim , will she remain a muslim??? and then what will relegion of children?? will non muslim husband and children inherit from property of muslim mother or wife 
    Reply

    • 123456789
      June 6, 2017 • 8:12 pm
      As Salaamu Alaikum
      Insha Allah she will remain a Muslim but only Allah knows it,but of course what she is doing is Haram.The marriage not will be accepted by Allah.It is as if you make Zina.You have to seperate from him,because allready the marriage is not accepted after Sharia.
      About the Religion of the Childs the can be Muslim but i dont think so ,that will happening because most time i listened about such marriage was that the Muslim Women has given up theire Religion afterwards and even if the Husband would says for him it is not a problem if the Childs will be educated as Muslim,still you have to separate from him because like i says more time now.In Islam a Women cant marry a - non Muslim.He have to convert to Islam and than you have to make Nikah,than it is ok(but you have to pray to Allah forever and asking Allah for forgiveness for what you have done),but after what you were written it is Haraam and you have to end your Relationships.
      There is no other way.Converting and Nikah or finish the relationship.
      Wallahu A'lam.
      Reply
  14. Source: zawaj.com
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